Pain

Sometimes it comes on fast and it feels like someone has taken a hammer to my heart. Other times it's slow and torturous. Like poison, seeping slowly from one point until it touches every part of me.

Sometimes I know exactly why it's there. Others I'm not so lucky. Wonder as I may there are just too many possibilities.

Sometimes I'm thankful. Better to feel pain than to feel nothing at all. Isn't that what they say?Other times though I just wish that everything inside of me would go numb or that my brain would shut off so that I wouldn't have to deal.

Sometimes it feels like I might actually be making progress and even like I might be getting stronger. Others I feel like a coward who can't even handle her own problems. Like a poor sad self-pitying little girl.

Sometimes It feels like everything must have been my fault in the end. Others I like to think that everything plays out the way it is suppose to be.

But always, always, I feel like there is nothing at all that I can do.

Not a thing in the world. And the sad part is that out of all of these things that is the one that is absolutely true. I can never change what has happened. Never. All I can do is keep my head up and keep going. I'll keep God with me and keep walking.